Listening to Black Sheep Wall’s I’m Going To Kill Myself reminds me of the brainwashing scene in A Clockwork Orange. And while I’m not physically held down, or my eyes forced to remain open until the end, it certainly feels that way. This four track EP runs for a mammoth 62 minutes and there is just no stopping until you’ve heard it all the way through. It’s not an album that you can listen to a bit, then turn off, or put on in the background while you do something else. You are forced to stop. To listen. To pay attention. And only when the whopping 33-minute closer “Metallica” has finished and Black Sheep Wall have decided to let you go, can you carry on with your day.
I honestly do not know if I like this record or not. It’s like walking into a haunted house and being bombarded with all manners of horrors, and enjoying the thrill and adrenaline rush, but also being terrified and not sure if you’ve crossed that line between enjoyment and fear and depression yet. The sludge/doom riffs and wailing vocals will definitely not work as a pick me up after a hard day. It really does seem like the kind of album you might slit your wrists to, so in that sense the title is bang on.
Black Sheep Wall don’t seem to have anything to lose, and clearly aren’t bothered about radio play, awards or hitting that mainstream market. I’m Going To Kill Myself takes effort to listen to. It will wear you out. The songs are long, arduous, terrifying and depressing. It’s a raw record that makes no attempt at being polished or perfect or wanting to be identified with anything positive, really. It’s art. It shocks. It makes you think. And most importantly, it makes you come back.
I’m Going To Kill Myself is not an album you can press play on again once it’s finished. Nor will you probably want to. After such a sonic onslaught, you will need a rest. Perhaps need to listen to some Beach Boys or something, just to balance yourself back out. But then once you’ve regained some composure, spent some time away, you’ll want to come back. Because like that feeling you get watching a scary movie, or walking through a haunted house, or just seeing something really disturbing or scary, it’s just too enticing to say no.